Kids said the darndest things in 2015

It’s time for my annual rewind of our kids’ memorable lines from the last year. I hope you can decipher some humor – and maybe a dash of truth – in the mini people’s musings. RIP, Art Linkletter.

As our 7-year-old gazed at a full moon behind some fast-moving clouds, he yelled to his 9-year-old brother, “Hey! Come look at how fast the moon is moving!”

Like a seasoned scientist, the elder brother strutted over to clarify the phenomenon, “The moon’s not moving,” he said with nonchalance. “We are.”

We have other naturalists in the bunch. One can diagnose pathologies in animals from a distance.

“Look! That squirrel is acting crazy. It probably has diabetes.”

Another brother is mastering life cycles.

“At first it’s a raccoon. Then it becomes a butterfly.”

His sister has mastered bedtime delay tactics. After I explained that all of her brothers were asleep, she said, “You need to stay with me. I feel a bad dream coming on.”

After some paternal soothing and insistence that she go to sleep, she bargained, “First, let me see your muscles.”

She clearly knows how to push my buttons.

At Cracker Barrel, I beat her in a game of checkers. She didn’t get mad, just even. “Daddy, give me your armpits. You get a tickle.”

While I was improving my self-esteem at the checkers table, the other kids were exploring toys and trinkets in the country store.

“I wish I could live here!” announced the 7-year-old. It does seem like a perfect fit: Santa’s workshop crossed with Grandma’s kitchen.

Candy brings out the worst in us. One of the twins had some; the other didn’t. In tears, the have-not pleaded, “But you’re supposed to share with me! We’re twins, remember?”

Once, when said twin was sick, she requested red Jell-O. When I said we didn’t have red Jell-O but that I could make her green Jell-O, she asked, “Does it taste the same as red Jell-O?”

During a devotional, I invited all the kids to think about a time they only thought about themselves.

When the 7-year-old struggled to grasp the concept, I suggested the episode where he stole a classmate’s ice cream ticket.

He clarified the situation, “I wasn’t thinking about myself. I was thinking about ice cream.”

Some things you only hear and see in a house full of boys. “Dad, look at this booger!”

“Dad, we found a frog and two garter snakes under the dog house!”

This excuse for not being able to help clean the kitchen: “I’m sick. I don’t want to spread my germs around.”

This explanation of the ants swarming food on the kitchen floor: “Those are our pet ants.”

And this admonition on the way into Home Depot: “Dad, don’t stare at all the stuff you don’t need.”

Sibling rivalry raises its head periodically. When the 11-year-old received a football MVP award at sports camp after throwing a touchdown pass to his younger brother, the 9-year-old said with a smile, “I should have dropped that pass.”

As all parents know, these years and these sayings go by fast. A 5-year-old captured how it feels: “Mom, what was today? Yesterday?”

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3 Responses to “Kids said the darndest things in 2015”

  1. 1 Greg Jones January 13, 2016 at 07:14

    I had to keep myself from laughing out loud at Flag Stop. Love it!

    Sent from my iPhone


  2. 2 Susan Allen January 13, 2016 at 07:17


    Out of office

  3. 3 Gerardo January 13, 2016 at 09:24

    Hilarious!! Thanks Kevin

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