Comments for the under-committed

Last week I offered “Comments for the over-committed”. Now, with Valentine’s Day upon us and the state of marital love in America continuing its decline, I hold forth comments for the under-committed.

My family relations professor said if marriage were a house, commitment is the foundation. The longer I’m married, the more I believe there is no greener grass than commitment. It’s where children play freely and where love strolls wholeheartedly. It provides the soft carpet on which the hard knocks of life can fall.

I suppose most failed marriages once proclaimed the traditional wedding vow “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do us part.” But then things changed. Circumstances changed. People changed.

In some respects, marriage does seem like a cruel joke. You marry and your mate begins to decline. He gains weight. She gains wrinkles. He goes bald. She goes gray. He loses his strength. She loses her mind.

Today, a new marriage has the chance of a coin flip. Perhaps this updating of the traditional wedding vow would paint a clearer picture of the challenge ahead for the newlywed and of the covenant necessary to beat the odds.

***

I, bride, take you, groom, to be my lawful wedded husband (and at times my awful, three-headed husband), to have and to hold (and sometimes to scold) from this day forward.

Through pay raises and unemployment, whether fit or fat, straight up or bent over, whether bald or hairy and when both bald and hairy, in good smells and bad, whether helpful in the kitchen or comatose on the couch, in hunting season and out, in conflict with your family and not, through long hours at work and lonely hours at home.

When I don’t feel like looking at you and you don’t feel like listening to me, when kids overrun our lives and days overrun our nights, when things don’t go as planned and I would not choose you again if given the chance at a do-over.

Then, will I stay committed. Then, will I stay the course. Then, will I believe in you more than you believe in yourself.

***

And I, groom, take you, bride, to be my lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, even when I’d rather be holding a remote control and a beer.

Through emotions and tears and illogical fears, when babies come and leave their mark, whether dinner gets made or laundry gets done, when my family drives you crazy and my driving makes you mad, whether supportive or negative, weepy or needy.

When I don’t feel like listening to you and you can’t stand to look at me. When the jokes that once made you giggle make you mad as a hornet, when I can do no right and your family can do no wrong, when I get home late and your day starts early, when the kids misbehave and you say they take after me.

Then, will I stay committed. Then, will I stay the course.

For the benefit of the generations, for something bigger than just you or me. For us and the notion that two can actually become one and not ever be two again.

Til death do us part because to part would be, well, death.

Kevin Thompson writes weekly for The Boerne Star in the Texas hill country. He can be reached at kevin@kwt.info.

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5 Responses to “Comments for the under-committed”


  1. 1 jessestroup February 14, 2013 at 16:09

    Kevin,  You are willing to risk it – put it out there! Jesse says, “You knocked it out of the park again.” Smiling Poppa-in-law

    Jesse R. Stroup

    Director of Spiritual Care

    Lifeline Chaplaincy

    2777 Stemmons Place, Ste. 1020

    Dallas, TX 75207

    214-678-0303

    jessestrouplive@yahoo.com

  2. 2 John Halloran February 14, 2013 at 16:34

    Thanks Kevin… May God bless your marriage and family with abundant graces!

    Sent via the HTC Vivid™, an AT&T 4G LTE smartphone

  3. 4 Susan Allen February 14, 2013 at 17:41

    Absolutely wonderful!

    Susan (Susie) Allen

    Texas Heritage Bank

    1208 S. Main

    Boerne, Texas 78006

    830-249-3955

    830-249-3988 (fax)

    Offices in Cross Plains, Boerne and Leon Springs to serve you!!!


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